Daring Greatly

• Vulnerability is the source of either:
• **Shame**, if anxiety leads to feelings of never enough
• which comes from a Scarcity Culture
• **Authenticity**, if anxiety leads to empathy & courage
• which comes from a Worthiness Culture (of I am enough)

Generated Notes

• Scarcity vs Worthiness, p24-27
• Three forms of Scarcity, p28
• Three forms of Worthiness
• Scarcity leads to shame, p69
• Vulnerability, pp34,39,53
• Unlike guilt, shame over-identifies, pp71-73
• Saying yes out of guilt still is an opportunity cost
• Guilt can compost into shame
• Shame resilience, p75
• Practice shame resilience through connection, p80
• How we disconnect from shame, p77 - rephrased the 3 element
• The Vulnerability POC - Here's a definition for Point of Contact (POC)
• Empathy is the antidote to shame, p??
• We are changed by those around us
• Three masks of shame
• Masks both hide and reveal who we are
• Mapping vulnerability on the UTM
• Vulnerability swims in Flow
• Flow, Insights, and Acting cannot be forced
• Perfectionism vs Self-Compassion, pp128-131

What it Means to Dare Greatly xii

Introduction: My Adventures in the Arena 4

Chapter 1 Scarcity: Looking Inside our Culture of "Never Enough" 18

• Scarcity vs Worthiness
• Three forms of Scarcity
• Three forms of Worthiness

p24-27

“I know that I’m onto something when folks look away, quickly cover their faces with their hands, or respond with “ouch,” “shut up,” or “get out of my head” The last is normally how people respond when they hear or see the phrase: Never ______ enough. It only takes a few seconds before people fill in the blanks with their own tapes:

*Never good enough. Never perfect enough. Never thin enough. Never powerful enough. Never successful enough. Never smart enough. Never certain enough. Never safe enough. Never extraordinary enough.*

We get scarcity because we live it. One of my very favorite writers on scarcity is global activist and fund-raiser Lynne Twist. In her book The Soul of Money, she refers to scarcity as “the great lie.” She writes:

*For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is “I didn’t get enough sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough time.” Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t have enough of... Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds are racing with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day...*

Scarcity is the “never enough” problem...

Scarcity thrives in a culture where everyone is hyperaware of lack. Everything from safety and love to money and resources feels restricted or lacking...

What makes this constant assessing and comparing so self-defeating is that we are often comparing our lives, our marriages, our families, and our communities to unattainable, media-driven visions of perfection, or we’re holding up our reality against our own fictional account of how great someone else has it. Nostalgia is also a dangerous form of comparison. Think about how often we compare ourselves and our lives to a memory that nostalgia has so completely edited that it never really existed: “Remember when...? Those were the days...”...

The feeling of scarcity [thrives] in shame-prone cultures that are deeply steeped in comparison and fractured by disengagement. [^1]

Three Forms of Scarcity, p28

• **Shame**

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

Shame is at the heart of scarcity and thoroughly covered next chapter.

• **Comparison**

“Healthy competition can be beneficial, but is there constant overt or covert comparing and ranking? Has creativity been suffocated? Are people held to one narrow standard, rather than acknowledged for their unique gifts and contributions? Is there an ideal way of being or one form of talent that is used as measurement of everyone else’s worth?”

What do we call cells that are overactive in the body? Cancer. The same is true of this type of non-stop, never enough, always comparing Doing Mode.

• **Disengagement** (or Disconnection)

“Are people afraid to take risks or try new things? Is it easier to stay quiet than to share stories, experiences, and ideas? Does it feel as if no one is really paying attention or listening? Is everyone struggling to be seen and heard?"

Chapter 2 Debunking the Vulnerability Myths 32

• Vulnerability

Chapter 3 Understanding and Combating Shame 58

• Scarcity leads to shame
• Unlike guilt, shame over-identifies

Chapter 4 The Vulnerability Armory 112

Perfectionism vs Self-Compassion, pp128-131

Note to Self

I've gotten to the point where the stuff in here is all I really need. It's taking on a life of its own. It's become what's interesting to me. Once I realized that, it was okay to let go of the book. To let go of the extra highlights. To let go of the librarian-like task of picture-perfect citations. I have enough detail to always give credit, even without the proper page number; and I have enough detail to track down the precise page number *only* when truly needed, which will probably be never.

Book Metadata

• ISBN: 9781592407330
• citation (MLA): Brown, C. Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. 1st ed, Gotham Books, 2012.

[^1]: Brown, C. Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. 1st ed, Gotham Books, 2012, pp.24-27.